I owe this blog an update!

Running out the door right now, but I'm posting this promise to come back tonight and update!

THIS GIRL LOOKS AMAZING! Getting Healthy in 2012: Photographic Evidence

Getting Healthy in 2012: Photographic Evidence: In case you want to see PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE of my weight loss, here ya go. (CLICK TO ENLARGE PHOTOS TO READ DATES) Look how swo...

Day 5: How it Went

Can I just say right here right now:

This is the day that everything changed!

Now let me tell you why! I woke up late and rushed out to my daily doctors appointment, making it in one minute before they closed. Once I left the doctors I started to head up to Target to get a pair of sneakers so I could go to the gym that day. It was then that I had a thought. I remembered a sign posted in my JC Centre saying that they $199 Body Media armband was now selling for $89. I had one $100 bill in my pocket I was going to use to buy sneakers but I knew if I didn't buy that armband that minute, I wasn't going to have another chance to buy. That one hundred dollar bill in my pocket was a billing mistake the doctors office had made and a refund I had received. It wasn't often I had $100 to do with as I pleased. I knew I couldn't go to the gym until I got sneakers, not just because I didn't want to work out in flip flops but because the gym doesn't allow it, but my mother had offered to buy me a pair so I could get moving. I weighed out my options and decided it was definitely in my best interest to go buy the armband.

I'm very fortunate that my JC Centre is less than a two minute drive from my home its probably only three miles from my house, up the street left at the light and into the shopping center. Not so fortunate is that the JC Centre is directly next door to a Subway. Every time I head in JC I get hit with the smell of all those fresh baked breads and cookies! I'm using this as more motivation to get my butt through the JC door!

I have to say everyone in my Centre is so kind and so sweet. The ladies that were working that day I had not met yet but were so nice and very helpful. I had asked about my account number not working to log into the JC site as a member yet (not even going to get started on that thorn in my side) and they did their best to help me and then I asked about the armband. They raved about it! As has everyone on the site. At this point I really didn't know much about what the band did, but I knew that people had said it totally changed their program, catapulting them in the best way possible.

So I bought the band and headed home, fixing my lunch meal as I began playing with the band. I plugged it in and charged it up, downloaded all the software and kind of figured things out, at least as much as I understood at that point. I was still playing around with it when my mother came home from work. She said to give her a few moments to lay down and then we'd head to the gym - she'd stopped and picked me up sneakers on her way home. How incredible is this woman??? So, I change into my gym clothes, grab my water bottle, phone and ear buds and off we go to the gym!

Did I mention that my gym is located directly beneath my Jenny Craig Center? On the other side of that Subway door is the door leading to the staircase that leads downstairs to my Exercise Nation gym! No excuses for me lol.

So we head into the gym and pick out a couple treadmills and begin our workout. Now a few years back when I was going to the gym three times a day and was bunch lighter I used to hit that gym and knock out three miles on that treadmill like it was nothing. I knew that I wouldn't be able to do that again but I was going to do my best. My best was hard to do however because the shoes my mother had bought me were itching like crazy! I swear they felt like someone had dumped itching powder into them. My mother and I got to laughing as we walked I kept trying to scratch my feet while on the treadmill. My mother headed off to do some weight training and I stayed on the treadmill trying to get an hour in before I'd hop over to the elliptical. My mother however, who no longer needs to lose weight but has lost all the muscle sin her legs from being so ill, needed to leave after about an hour so we did.

I have to say it felt awesome to get back into the gym and I could not wait to sync my arm band and see how I had done. That was the first thing I did when I got home, as well as download the Body Media app onto my phone so I could see whenever I wanted how much work I had done. While we ate dinner I explained to my mother how it worked and what it tracked.

It was after dinner and after desert that I was thinking about my numbers and thinking about what the JC Centre worker had told me when she sold it to me. She said that it was so nice to be able to see your numbers. The night before she did not feel like going on a walk, and wouldn't have, if she hadn't been able to look at her monitor and see that she hadn't reached her goal amount of steps for the day yet, it was because she was able to look and see that she got up and went for a three mile hike.

I had obviously not met my steps for the day as I had just but the band on around 7pm. But still, I felt like I could do more. That and it was so nice outside, in the mid seventies. It was the perfect weather to take a walk. I decided that was exactly what I was going to do. I grabbed my phone and ear buds and water bottle. This time however I wore my flip flops. I knew that the bottoms of my feet would start to hurt walking in these shoes but I'd rather have the bottoms hurt for an hour than get blisters and itchy feet from the too big sneakers I'd worn to the gym. I didn't have a planned route or any idea how long or how far I was going to walk. I had thought about walking away from my house until my phone died, as it was almost dead, then I'd turn around and come back.

Instead, I walked away from house and straight down the road that I live off of. Its a straight shot for a long ways until the road ends at a court. I figured I'd walk until I reached the court, walk the circle in the court and then head back. I had no idea how far it was but I did know it had three really big hills on it that would push me going both ways.

It ended up taking me an hour and forty five minutes to reach the court and turn around and get home. I honestly wasn't sure I was going to make it at one point, but my music was still going on and one of my favorite songs to work out to randomly came out right when I was about to crack. The first lyric in the song being:

So sick, so sick of being tired, and oh so tired of being sick!

It was the perfect thing to hear at that exact moment and motivated me to keep going. I was tired of being sick and sick of being tired and I was changing it. Right then. Right there. I huffed and puffed but I kept going, even when the bottoms of my feet were burning and my ice water was warm. I just kept going because there was nothing else for me to do!

Once I got home I felt so incredible. I felt so accomplished and achieved and rewarded. I synced up my arm band and could not believe the numbers! I had a 3,458 caloric deficit. I had done 2:01 of moderate activity, 31 minutes over my goal for my intended weight loss. I had done 11 minutes of vigorous activity which was four minutes short of my goal. This doesn't disappoint me because I busted my ass and at my current weight, I did the best that I could. I also took 11,063 steps. When I had left the house for this walk I had taken just over 3300. These numbers also weren't totally accurate because I had been walking about a half an hour past midnight and once I hit that hour everything began logging for the following day. So these numbers were actually even better than what I've posted!

I'm really proud of myself for doing so good tonight and I cannot wait to do it all again tomorrow! It feels a million times better to go on a long walk when I'm feeling depressed about my daughter and daughters father than it feels to just go to sleep. Breathing hard and singing really loud along to my ear buds not caring who heard me, felt amazing. Sleeping all day just made me feel sloth like and sick. I cannot wait to do it all over again!

* I drove my car along my walking route to see exactly how far I walked, it was exactly 2 miles in each direction down to the tenth of a mile. Four miles!

Day 5: Meals

Breakfast

Oatmeal Breakfast Square
1 Fruit
1 Cup Nonfat Milk
3/4 Cup Low-Fat Cottage Cheese

I woke up Monday morning running very late to my daily doctors appointment. I grabbed my breakfast square and ran out the door and got into the office one minute before closing. I did not have time to eat anything for breakfast other than that bar. That bar was similar to the cheese curls in the sense that the first few bites were not the best but it really grew on me. By the time I finished I was liking it. It was heavy and very oat mealy (go figure!) and filling. I liked it!



Morning Snack

Anytime Bar*
1 Fruit

*I'm going to stop typing the same thing everyday, to see reviews of this bar go back to any other day in week one! :)

I didn't eat my fruit... again.



Lunch

Scheduled:
Salad Kit
Jenny Dressing
Garden Salad
Actually ates
Cheesy Potatoes and Chicken

As I mentioned yesterday I somehow got my lunch meals mixed up for days four and five. So I ate (or rather didn't eat) my salad kit yesterday and so today I ate what I had been scheduled to eat the day before, the cheesy potato and chicken meal. This meal was awesome. It was a bowl, pot pie like, with chicken and cheese and potatoes with peas and corn. It reminded me very much of a dish my mother used to make when I was a child that I called oven salad. I has an actual name but I can't remember what it is. Its a casserole dish with meat and onions on the bottom, peas and mashed potatoes on top. This meal tasted very similar, it was comfort food and though the chicken was fried which I'm not crazy about, it tasted awesome with everything else.



Afternoon Snack
 
1 Fruit
2 Tbl Almonds

Totally skipped this entire snack. I need to get back on track big time.



Dinner

Thai Style Curry
Vegetables (minimum 2 cups)
1 Healthy Fat
Added:
3 Wheat Crackers
1 Laughing Cow Wedge

I saw someone post on the JC forums that this Thai Curry was the worst of the JC meals. They said it was the last thing in the world they would ever eat again! lol I happen to be a fan of curry. I used to frequent a little Indonesian restaurant in my hometown that had the most amazing curry tofu. I was introduced to it by friends and I think that it is probably an acquired taste. If you don't like curry you aren't going to like this meal at all, as it has a lot of curry flavor in it.

So let me say, for what it is, its good. It taste like your typical Thai curry meal. Not the most seasoned of all things but nothing disappointing about it.

I had this meal with three wheat crackers and a wedge of Laughing Cow Lite Garlic & Herb cheese spread.



Evening Snack

Cake
1 Cup Nonfat Milk
Added:
3 Wheat Crackers
1 Laughing Cow Wedge

I did have my little cakes for desert, the two little chocolate cakes and though they were a bit dry the chocolate taste was incredible and the icing was perfectly sweet. I was definitely happy with this desert. I was also many calories short for the day so I also had another three crackers and another wedge of Laughing Cow cheese.

Day 4: How it Went

Sunday was a slow and sad day for me. I woke up early to drive my daughter to her father's house. The worst days of my week are the days I have to take her to his house for the following four nights. When I don't have my daughter I am a different person. I am fully capable of sleeping for hours on end all day and again all night. I fall into serious depressions when she's gone. Its also because he's gone. This is only the beginning of the second week of her father and I.... I'm not sure if I should say we've broken up. We were really going through a hard time and fighting a lot. We've been together five years and have been through more than I am willing to share on this blog. We are best friends and very much in love and too much alike. Things really got intense for a while and I told him that we needed to take some time apart. Now we've "broken up" in the past but never broken up. Don't get me wrong we aren't one of those couples who breaks up ten times a year, not by any means. However on the one or two occasions we've gotten so mad or so sad or just so tired of stressing certain things, we've said we were breaking up. However we always remained spending every second of every day together, calling each other pet names, texting when we weren't together, until a day or so later and the break up never happened.

This time is different. This is the first time in five years we haven't at the absolute least seen each other every day. In five years there has not been one day, and that is not an exaggeration. Ninety percent of those days we spend ninety percent of together. We even took vacations with each others family's so I really do mean we spent every day together. However since the Sunday before I started JC, we've only seen each other to drop off the baby to each other or that one day he popped in to drop off breakfast.

I'm not used to it. I love him with all of my heart and soul, I do have his name tattooed on my neck and I do know that we are going to be okay. I just really feel like right now, as hard a decision as it is to make, we need to focus on ourselves. When I'm with him I am so taken with him and so focused on him I can never take care of myself. I don't have the time or energy to desire to take care of myself I just want to take care of him. We are both very , very codependent and in the most unhealthy of ways. I just need to get myself together. I need to. For whatever reason, right now, I can't do that and be so involved in his day to day life as I used to be. I don't see us going on like this for a long time, this not seeing each other or talking to each other at all thing. Just right now, in the beginning, this is how it needs to be. I need to get my weight under control. I need to get my health under control. I need to my ass back to school next semester.

Its sad though. I love him more than I can convey with all the words in all the languages, but I love him enough to let him go for the time being, to better ourselves for our daughter, for our family, in the future. I love him enough to love myself. But I miss him like freaking crazy. So on the days that my daughter is with him, when I don't have him and I don't have her, I get pretty down. Its easy to sleep all day and I'm trying really hard to not let myself fall under that funk.

My mother knows how depressed I get when my daughter isn't here so she went ahead and rejoined our old gym on Sunday evening. Once upon a time that was my favorite place to be. I used to go in at least once a day and some days three times a day. It's a 24/7 gym so I would often get up and go first thing in the morning, then once more when my mother got home from work so we could go together and then on nights that I couldn't sleep, I would get up and go spend an hour in the gym. My mother and I became major gym rats. Even heading up to the gym during an incredible blizzard and were shocked and pissed to find out the gum was closed! What the hell?! Its just four feet of snowing and showing no signs of stopping!! This was also during the time that I had lost all that weight in all those unhealthy ways.

I do love the gym, in shape or otherwise, and being able to go to the gym when my daughter is gone is the perfect escape. Instead of falling into major depressions and going to sleep, I can do the opposite and go to the gym and work all that depression right out of my skin.

I would have liked to have gone to the gym Sunday night but I had promised I'd take my mother grocery shopping since I'd gotten paid and she got home so late from work that by the time we got done shopping it was ten at night. I also didn't have sneakers and still had to go and buy some. We decided to skip the gym for the day and get started on Monday.

Not so surprising, I didn't have a hard time falling asleep Sunday night. Heh...

Day 4: Meals

Breakfast

Cranberry Almond Cereal
1 Fruit
1 cup Nonfat Milk
1/2 Cup Low-fat Cottage Cheese

I am in general a fan of any kind of granola cereal or cereal like the Special K cereals. I was expecting to like this cereal in spite of the almonds which I'm not a fan of. I was right. The cranberries were awesome and again the small packaging was deceiving as I did get a fair amount. I didn't get my fruit or cottage cheese substitute in.



Morning Snack

Anytime Bar
1 Fruit

I was expecting to be getting sick of the chocolate and peanut butter anytime bar by this point but it still taste good and keeps me going until my next meal. Again, no fruit.



Lunch

Scheduled:  
Cheesy Potatoes & Chicken
Spinach Salad
Jenny Dressing
Actually ate:
Salad Kit

I'm not quite sure how this happened, I think I was just looking at the wrong day on my menu, but I mistakenly thought that my lunch for this day was written as the Salad Kit, which for me this week was the Tuna Salad kit. Now, I do not eat mayonnaise. I do not like to look at, smell, touch or be anywhere near mayonnaise. I just find it absolutely revolting. However, this is JC tuna salad so I thought that there was a fair chance it wasn't going to have mayo in it ;) and I figured I'd try a bite.

Did not like it - at all. Too sweet and just weird and bad. This of course is not a fair judge on the salad kit because as I am, I don't like tuna salad. Therefore asking me to judge JC's tuna salad is not fair. I was just willing to take a bite and taste it. No good.

So I subbed out a regular can of lite Tuna and ate it on the provided salad kit crackers. Was very delicious. I did not have a salad with this meal. :( I'm not doing so good on my sides today huh?



Afternoon Snack

Cheese Curls

 Okay so, these cheese curls - really strange! I recently read someones posts on the JC forums and they had been talking about different JC meals that come with cheese on them. She referred to the cheese as "scary cheese". This term came directly to mind when taking my first taste of the JC cheese curls. They did not taste good. In fact they tasted weird and bad. But here's where it gets weird, I kept eating them because I was already doing so bad on eating my sides that I figured I needed these calories. As I ate them however, they went from tasting nasty to tasting not that bad - not good - but not that bad. I ate some more and they almost tasted kind of okay. By the time I finished the bag I wanted more! They tasted so good!

I don't know if JC is like doping the food or something lol but it was the strangest thing. There was no doubt in my mind that these cheese curls were the nastiest thing on the JC menu when I ate my first one and there was no doubt in my mind as I took my last bite that I could have eaten another three bags they were so good!

I'm really not sure what to make of this...



Dinner

Meat Loaf with BBQ Sauce
Vegetables (minimum 1 1/2 cups)
1 Healthy Fat

I fixed this meat loaf, potatoes and carrots and broccoli in the microwave and then once again popped everything into the toaster oven. I know I keep saying this same thing over and over again, but the toaster oven made all the difference! It made the meat loaf taste more home made and the potatoes crispy and the veggies tasted like they were roasted with the BBQ sauce! Amazing! Totally a different meal than the mush that came out of the microwave. Everything was Delicious! This isn't my favorite JC meal but its up there pretty high on the list. The loaf tasted home made and had a really awesome flavor to it. The potatoes as I said were nice and crispy and the veggies were almost the best thing in the dish after I popped them in the oven. The mixture of BBQ sauce and the toaster oven crisping them made them taste like home made straight from the grill veggies. You can't beat that! Once again, I didn't eat my veggies. :( I fixed them, broccoli and carrots but I just couldn't eat anymore.



Evening Snack

2 Fruits
6 oz Nonfat Yogurt
2 Tbl Almonds 

Nada. I had non of it. Really slacking off here. :(

Day 3: How it Went

So, my day 3 fell on a Saturday. Not just any Saturday, but the last of my four days with my daughter before she would go to her fathers for four days. Saturday would also be the first of these four days that my mother would not have to work a full day and she wanted to do something more than just sit around the house or go to the local parks or reservoirs. So, she decided that we should go to the zoo. There is a zoo in Baltimore, but its costly to get in and not as nice as the free Washington D.C. zoo. So the plan was to go to the D.C. zoo. My mother worked a few hours early in the morning to knock that out of the way and I got up early and went to my daily doctors appointment and when we all met back up at the house we began to get ready for our trip. I thought about my meals and looked at my menu and it worked out that I didn't have a frozen meal on the menu for that day's lunch. I had the room temperature Rotini on the menu for that day. Perfect! I wasn't sure exactly where I was going to cook it and I imagined worst case scenario I could eat it as is, but I'm weird about food. I needed it cooked or I would imagine that it was raw and I'd think I was sick and it would be a huge dramatic bunch of nonsense! ;) So I packed these meal into a bag and threw some water bottles and bagged veggies into a cooler with ice and myself, my daughter, my mother and stepfather loaded into my mothers 300 and began the trip. 

Now let me tell you how this trip is supposed to go. Its about an hours drive from our home in Baltimore to the Washington D.C. zoo, which does have its own parking lot. So the plan was to hop in the car, drive to the zoo, park in the lot which lets you off right in the middle of the zoo and enjoy our day. Simple enough right? I wish. 

The drive to the zoo seemed to take forever. Having to stop at the local mall to pick up my contacts before we even got on the beltway didn't help. Once on the road my daughter suddenly began crying hysterically with her fingers in her mouth. Her doctor told us a day or so before she had four teeth coming in the back so we knew why she was crying, but we hadn't brought the Children's Tylenol! I forgot it! So we had to make another stop at a grocery store and get her some Tylenol. Fortunately, she loves her med med. Although she's at the age where she doesn't want to call it med med, she wants to call it medicine cos she's a big girl! It also happened that day was the day she turned 16 months old! 

Here is where things start to go really wrong. We get into D.C. and we get to the zoo and the freaking parking lot is closed! CLOSED! How are you going to close the national zoo's parking lot on a Saturday afternoon in the summer? So, we drove around for a while looking for a place to park but all the streets around the area were two hour parking unless you had a residential pass and this part of D.C. is strict on towing. We considered parking here but just loading everything up and walking back to the zoo would take more than twenty minutes. Two hours just was not going to cut it. 

Now everyone is cranky, my daughter in particular as she hasn't had a nap yet. The plan was for her to sleep in the car on the ride to the zoo but you try to get a 16 month old to follow a schedule and a plan! So as we're circling around and around I see the metro stop. I suggest we ride back out into the suburbs of D.C. which are in Maryland and park at one of the metro stops out there and ride the subway in. Everyone agrees this is probably going to be the best idea. So, my stepfather, who lived in the area for years and still works in the area, headed out to the closest metro stop with parking. However, once we get there, my daughter is asleep and she's been asleep for about three minutes. I'm not going to wake her up. Not only has she not napped yet, and not only is she teething and in pain, she also has a large red welt on her leg where she got her shots and its sore. My baby is in a lot of pain and just uncomfortable so there is no way I'm going to wake her up now that she's finally been able to fall asleep. 

Right about now everyone is agitated and grouchy and I say I have no problem with heading home, but I remember that this is the only full day my mother is going to have with my daughter and she wanted to do something with her so we really should try to make this work. I ask where the next metro stop is and my stepfather says there is one about twenty minutes out in Bethesda Maryland. Its headed in the direction of home and it has a large parking lot. If we ride out there it will give my daughter some time to get a nap in. That's what we decide to do. However on the way I realize I need to eat but still don't know where or how I'm going to heat it up. My mother suggests a 711 but my stepfather has no idea where one is so we pull up to the first gas station we see. My god send of a mother goes in and tells the clerk she needs to heat up a meal for her granddaughter and the guy says its okay so we manage to get the food cooked! This is about the only thing that goes right!

The ride takes about twenty five minutes and once we get there we find out the parking is free on the weekend which starts to put everyone in better moods. We load the coolers into the stroller and wake up my daughter. She is a different child at this point. She is rested and the Tylenol has kicked in and eased if not totally alleviated all her pains. She is the happy smiling angel she usually is. This of course puts everyone back into their happy places. That is until we get up to the train platform and see the gigantic signs posted everywhere:

NO SOUTHBOUND RUNNING TRAINS

FREE SHUTTLE BUSES

Seriously??? As if this should-have-taken-one-hour-but-has-taken-two-hour trip hasn't already worn all of our patience thin. A man in a bright yellow vest must see our faces. He asks us where we're going and explains that they are working on the tracks on the next three stops heading south. We'll have to take the free shuttle bus which is an express bus to the next metro stop where we can get on and get to the zoo. We head to the shuttle bus and climb aboard. First they tell us we have to break the stroller down but when the driver sees all the coolers and diaper bag in the back he kindly tells us not to worry about it just climb on. 

We are frustrated but its also my daughters first bus trip and she is loving it! She's sitting on my mothers lap, well sitting and standing, and her eyes are darting out the window and then to me and back. She has one of her fingers in her mouth and a sly smile on her face. We all begin to laugh when we realize what she must be thinking. She sees the bus is moving and she's not strapped into her car seat. She thinks she's getting away with something! She loves the bus ride! She's laughing the entire time and looking out the window and calling to me to sit on my lap. I take her and she's so happy she starts dancing for no apparent reason. Everyone (about ten people) on the bus laughs.

We reach our stop and unload the bus thanking the driver as we do. Now we're at the metro stop. We instinctively head towards the escalators, not looking for an elevator yet though we did find them later thank goodness, and head down. Before we can purchase tickets however I need to find a bathroom. I've been guzzling water since I woke up and just cannot wait until we reach the zoo. The metro stop we are at is connected to an indoor shopping plaza. So we head in for whats supposed to be a two minute stop. Those two minutes turns into almost twenty when my mother stops in McDonald's to get the baby some apple slices and a diet coke for herself. Then we're leaving and I realize I need to buy a bottle of non frozen water to melt my frozen bottles so we turn around again. 

Finally, we make it to the train. Only after of course, my stepfather doesn't remember how to find your fare and purchase your ticket. Yes he used to live and work in D.C., but he always had a car. I on the other hand used to spend a lot of time in D.C. and still knew how to work the whole system but my stepfather would not accept my help. Men. Once on the train everyone is smiling again as its my daughters first train ride and she loves looking out the windows at the lights flashing by. We're starting to feel better even though its taken another hour to get to where we are. We reach our stop and begin walking towards the zoo, its about a three quarter of a mile walk to the entrance which though I wasn't planning on this exercise, I'm happy to have it thrown in front of me.

Finally we reach the zoo and guess what? Yup, you guessed it: the parking lot is open! I'm not even going to address this with a comment because it's going to set me off. 

We stopped at the entrance to take pictures of my daughter sitting on top of the gigantic ZOO sign in front of the entrance and head on in excited to see some animals! After taking more than three hours to get there, after planes, trains and automobiles, after everyone being grouchy and aggravated and short tempered, after promising the baby we were getting out of the car in two minutes for an hour straight - we finally get to see some animals! Finally this day is going to get good right? Wrong. We saw almost nothing. Half of the zoo was under construction. The other half of the zoo, none of the animals were in their pens. I don't know if it was feeding time or if because it was after three in the afternoon and so hot they had retreated to indoor environments. I don't know. I know that my mother was upset which made me very upset. 

We saw one leopard who was eighty percent hidden by a bush and too far out of sight for my daughter see; one small red panda the size of a house cat; some otters which my daughter really did enjoy; the indoor panda exhibit; the indoor ape exhibit; and two ponies. Horses are my daughters favorite animal however and she did not want to leave these two "horsies". She was amazed and it was adorable. 

So the zoo was crowded and hot. It had taken us three hours to get there. Everything was under construction. None of the animals were around. We walked all through the zoo for about an hour. My mother had been so excited for my daughter to see elephants, tigers, lions, zebras, giraffes and other large animals and we didn't see any of them. I felt so bad that my mother was so let down after such a long day. Such a long day and we still had to make the hour long trip back to the car!

After an hour in the zoo my mother decides its time to go. I agree with her. We're both exhausted and upset. My daughter has refused to ride in the stroller the entire day so one of us has carried her and one of us has pushed the heavy stroller with two diapers and a diaper bag in it. Yes we're exhausted. And of course, to leave the zoo we have to hike up an almost ridiculously steep for being in a zoo hill to the exit. A hill that is a half a mile long. Halfway up the hill I was tempted to tell my stepfather to go get the car and I'd sit right at the zoo entrance and wait! That's not a joke. I really was thinking that was what was going to happen.

But I thought of my JC plan. I thought how the exercise was going to be so good for me. I thought about exactly how much exercise I would end up doing that day and how much water I was drinking and I just pushed myself. We walked back to the metro stop and took the subway to the closed station and got on the shuttle bus and finally after more than hour made it back to the car. I wanted to kiss the car when I saw it

On the ride home my daughter fell asleep almost instantaneously and I wasn't far behind her. As I drifted off I thought about how the day had gone. I had done really well. I was proud of myself. I stuck to my diet with my lunch and didn't get out of control with subbing out my breakfast meal because lets face it, I can eat about a ton of that Special K Red Berry cereal. In the zoo when my family was buying sodas and frozen lemonade sticks I stuck to my bottles of water. I did however get an order of Dip N Dots which I'm going to address at the end of this post. Overall, I had a good day. I had gotten in a ton of walking which wasn't planned and was feeling exhausted in that good over worked kind of way. 

Needless to say the ride home was much quicker than the trip to the zoo. In fact it seemed to only take ten minutes since I fell asleep with my daughter. Once home we were all starving and headed inside to fix our dinners. I was glad to have something I enjoyed for dinner, the fish and chips and as I mentioned in my meal review, it tasted good out of the toaster oven. As I also mentioned in my meal plan, I was scheduled to have cookies for desert but after that day I just wanted the cheesecake! lol So I went for it. Let me tell you that cheesecake with those strawberries - oh my god! Heaven on a spoon! 

Overall it was a long day and though their were some major set backs, it was something we were able to laugh about once we got home and my mother did get to spend the entire day with my daughter. We told my baby brother about our day and all got a good chuckle out of it. By the way, when I saw baby brother, I mean my 22 year old brother. He's always going to be a baby to me! After dinner we gave the baby a bath and all climbed into my mothers bed to read bedtime stories. We all fell asleep pretty quickly too, which is why I wasn't able to blog about this day the day of. 

Now let me address the Dip N Dot incident. I'm not going to lie or avoid talking about it. I was hot and grumpy and I wanted it. I wouldn't say that I exactly broke down, because I didn't resist too hard. I know how hard I've been following my plan and I know how serious I am about losing weight this time. Its not that everything bad to eat that I see is calling out to me, in fact none of it is. I'm not having a hard time with any kind of cravings at all. In fact there are two unopened cases of regular soda in my bedroom, leftover from before I started the diet. They don't tempt me at all. They don't make me weak at all. I just don't want them. I honestly don't. I want to lose this weight. I am ready to lose this weight.

Where as before when I dieted the bad food was always calling out to me and I was always hiding from it I don't feel that way now. On diets of the past once I would have something bad, like a cup of Dip N Dots, that was the end of my diet. I would either feel so guilty I'd just stop the diet altogether or I'd say to myself, well I've ruined this day I'll start again tomorrow. It was always something. I just don't feel that way now. If I have something like a cup of Dip N Dots then I have it. I'm not saying its okay to eat that kind of food all day long because it's not. But if once a week or once every two weeks I find myself in a situation like I did this day, where I'm at the zoo and there's a cart, I'm not going to beat myself up for eating it. Its not like it used to be where that would be the end of my diet.

Its also because I'm not exactly looking at this like a diet. This isn't a temporary plan I'm on to dump this weight and then go back to how I was eating. The word diet for me implies short term or even if its a long term diet, it just means not forever. The way I see my JC plan is changing the way I eat and live forever. I have on intention of never having ice cream or sweets again. I do intend on having healthy portions and not three times a day. 

Is any of this making sense? lol I know many people are going to say this is wrong and I need to stay on the plan bite for bite and maybe you're right - for you. I just am not going to beat myself up for this. I did it, its done, it didn't lead to a binge or the end of my diet or anything of the sort. It was just right for me that moment.

Day 3: Meals

Breakfast

Cheddar Cheese Omelet
1 Fruit
1 Cup Nonfat Milk

Okay, so I'm in the fifth grade and sleeping over at my best friends house. Come morning, her mother makes for us sausage, pancakes and omelets. I am not a big egg eater but more than that I am an overly polite child so I eat the omelet. Flash forward a few hours and we are shopping in Fells Point, a harbor side neighborhood full of kitschy little stores, and I get the most intense food poisoning ever. In general, food poisoning is not fun. Add into that you're in the middle of Fells Point which does have public bathrooms, but they are often accompanied by the homeless, vomit, an occasional syringe and half drank liquor bottles. Not fun. Don't get me wrong, Fells is a very clean and very family friendly area. Its just that its in Baltimore City and there are some things in Baltimore City that you just cannot avoid.

So, I don't eat the omelet for breakfast. I don't cook it, I don't try a bite, nothing. Instead I have a small bowl of Special K Red Berry cereal (my all time favorite cereal - I will eat this over golden grahams!) with fat free milk. The cereal itself comes with freeze dried strawberries so I counted this as my fruit and milk servings.



Morning Snack

Anytime Bar
1 Fruit

My family decided to go on an outing so I did eat my anytime bar in the car but didn't have a fruit. :(



Lunch

Rotini with Meatballs
Garden Salad
Jenny's Dressing

I had a bit of a non scale victory here, we were in the car and I had brought my Jenny Meal with me, though I had no idea where or how I was going to cook it. It was a room temp meal but I didn't want to eat it uncooked, because to me, it was just that - uncooked. My family was going to stop somewhere (unhealthy) to eat and I had the option of joining them or it was looking like, just not eat. Instead I found a gas station and used their microwave! It was tidbit embarrassing, well lets be honest here, it would have been embarrassing,except I stayed in the car with my daughter and my mother went inside and cooked it for me. Let me just tell you here, there is not a person in this world who has a mother greater than mine. I'm not even sure there's a mother out there equal to mine! And obviously not just because she cooked my lunch for me. ;)

So I ate the pasta in the car as we drove and it was okay. It wasn't as amazing as some of the meals I've had but it was good. The chunks of meat were frequent and the pasta tasted as any pasta should. More than mediocre but not quite as impressive as some of the others. 



Afternoon Snack

2 Fruits
1/2 cup low-fat Cottage Cheese
2 Tbl Almonds


We had the most ri - freaking - diculous afternoon ever! You'll have to read on to hear about it but I wasn't able to get this snack in perfect. I did stop in a CVS and get a small package of fruit - but I didn't end up eating it. :( I would try to get it in later.



Dinner

Fish & Chips 
Vegetables (minimum two cups)
1 Healthy Fat

Once again, I was thanking the appliance God's for my toaster oven! I cooked the Fish and chips in the microwave as instructed and then popped the potatoes and fish into the oven. They came out crispy and delicious whereas when I'd taken them out of the microwave they were mushy and soggy looking! The fish and chips were good. Didn't taste like fresh Talapia by any means obviously, tasted similar to fish sticks but it was good. The meal came with a package of vinegar which I typically put on Boardwalk french fries but I didn't use the package for this meal. I also boiled two cups of carrots and threw in a handful of sugar snap peas. Overall the meal was satisfying for what it was. By that I mean if you sit down to this meal expecting Talapia and fresh red skin sauteed potatoes with onion bits and butter - you're going to be disappointed. If you sit down to this meal expecting some potato and fish stick like fish - you'll be pleasantly satisfied with the taste and quantity.



Evening Snack

Scheduled:  
Cookie
1 Cup Non-fat Milk
Actually ate:
Chocolate Cheesecake
2 Fruits

Now I know that I'm not supposed to swap foods with other days of the week - at least I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to - but after the day that I had I thought I deserved a piece of chocolate cheesecake! So I popped it onto a small plate, busted out that fruit container from earlier in the day I hadn't opened yet and sat down with the family in the den. Now, do I really need to even say that the chocolate cheesecake was banging?! It was amazing and just when I thought it couldn't possibly have been any better, I took each bite with a strawberry. Ohhhh maaannnn!!!! I almost melted into the couch! It was in freaking credible! Ten stars on a scale of one to five!

Day 2: How it Went

Well, I ate more food today than yesterday and feel much fuller than I did. I managed to get in all my meals though not all of my snacks. I really have to adjust to this. I also need to find subs for things like yogurt, though I have a feeling I'm going to get so tired of eating the same veggies and fruits and milk servings that I'm going to start enjoying yogurt. Tomorrow is my pay day so I will have the money to take myself and my mother grocery shopping. I am looking foward to that!

Day 2: Meals

All Jenny pre packaged meals are in italics.



Breakfast
Mixed Berry Bar
1 Fruit
1 Cup Nonfat Milk
1/2 cup cottage cheese

First thing in the morning I woke up to my daughters father popping in to drop off breakfast for the baby. He had just left the doctors right around the corner and stop at McDonalds and got her a pancake breakfast with hashbrowns. This was very sweet and saved me having to make her breakfast - not that its any trouble. When the baby woke up she started to pick at this meal in bed and I remembered from the night before that I was having the mixed berry bar for breakfast, so I unwrapped it and ate it in bed with the baby. Because of this, I had only the bar and non of the other requirements for breakfast.

The bar was awesome. I really did like it! I am however not a big breakfast eater and before I realized it I had set the bar down on my night table and gotten my daughter and myself up and ready to head up to the doctors for my daily visit. I meant to grab the bar and take it with me to finish in the car but I forgot. :(



Morning Snack
Anytime Bar
1 Fruit

Again I had tossed this bar into my bag and ate it in the car after leaving the doctors office. I didn't even look at my menu as the bar is the morning snack for my entire week, so I didn't realize I had to eat a fruit serving to. Though the fruit serving is listed with every morning snack, because I didn't have any fruit during my Day 1 snack, I had completley forgotten that it comes with every morning snack. Oops.



Lunch 
Turkey Burger
Spinach Salad

I fixed the turkey burger in the microwave as it requires, but after I took it out of the microwave the bun was mushy as to be expected. I thought to pop the bun and the burger into the toaster oven for a few minutes and boy was this a great idea! It made all the difference and made the burger that much better. I know I'm starting to sound really redundant here but the burger was awesome! It is of course smaller than I'm used to, I could have eaten two or three happily, but it was so good! I'm really starting to be surprised at how good all the food on the menu has been thus far! Can it last? Seems too good too be true...

Anyway, I fixed the burger with the Barbeque sauce it came with and put some lettuce and tomatoe on it and served it with raw carrots and sugar snap peas. I'm lucky to love veggies as much as I do. This meal was awesome and I can definitley imagine its going to be one of my favorites of the week. It was also very sense and very filling in spite of being on the smaller size. In fact the last two bites filled me up.



Mid Day Snack
Snack Bar

I was under the impression that all the foods on the menu that are Jenny foods came with the first weeks purchase of food, however I was wrong as I would learn later in the day. The snack bar was one of these missing foods. I skipped this snack.



Dinner
Chicken Fettuccine
+ Soupitizer Soup 
Vegtables (minimum 2 cups)
1 Healthy Fat
2 Tlbs Parmesean cheese

It was while I was boiling the water to fix 1 1/2 cups of raw carrots (I mistakenly thought of day 1's dinner veggie requirements while cooking dinner) that I learned I hadn't misplaced the snack bar and Soupitizer's. While scanning the Jenny Community boards on my phone I learned what I had begun to think, these were extras you had to purchase. I also learned that when I didn't eat the Soupitizer with my first days dinner meal, I had to replace its 2 limited free foods. This is where I learned that I had to eat three servings of these free foods!

Come to find out as nice as the woman who I met with at the Centre was, she really did not explain things to me very well - or at all!

It ended up working out for the best because I learned that I could have some margarine on my carrots. I also used my healthy fat as margarine as well because I couldn't imagine anything else fitting in with my meals. I put the Parmesan cheese on the fettuccine and once again was incredibly pleased with the meal. It tasted as good as any pasta I would order from any restaurant. Again, shocked and pleased!

I ended up glad that I didn't fix two cups of carrots because even with sharing with my daughter I couldn't finish this entire dinner.

Also with dinner I had black iced coffee and used my milk serving from breakfast as creamer, 8 oz nonfat milk that is, with a few splenda. I was surprised at how good I actually found it. I couldn't believe while thinking of how I was going to have to force down milk, as I can't stand the stuff, I didn't realize I could use it as creamer and not have to give up my iced coffee! Duh! Now I just need to find some sugar free caramel flavoring or syrup!



Late Night Snack
2 Fruits
6 oz Nonfat Yogurt
1 Tbl Almonds

I have not even eaten this yet and too be honest I'm not sure I'm going to be able to. I might be able to force down a serving of milk instead of the yogurt which I still don't have and I can probably eat some apple slices if I try really hard but the almond serving is just going to have to take one for the team. I'll edit this later when I know whats happened.
 

Day 1: How it Went

Overall I can say I was satisfied with the day. I did not follow the menu plan exactly as I didn't have all the foods that I needed and wasn't able to complete my shopping with a teething-nap weeing baby. :) I did the best that I could with what I had and I am pleased with myself. The biggest problem I found myself having was eating everything. This was even without eating the dinner meal. Its just a lot more food than I am used to eating. I'm not going to lie however and tell you that if you are someone who eats an excess amount of food that you are going to find yourself in the same situatoin. This is just me. I enjoyed the meals and I didn't have a problem with my menu and I really hope (though don't expect) the rest of the days to go this easy!!!!

Day 1: Meals

And so it begins!!!


So lets begin at the beginning - Breakfast!
(All Jenny pre-packaged meals are in italics)

1700 - 2300 Calories Menu Day 1 

Breakfast:
 Blueberry Pancakes and Veggie Sausage 
w/ Lite Table Syrup
1 Fruit
1 Cup Non  Fat Milk

Okay, so this breakfast is pretty basic and sounds pretty good. I set my daughter up with some toys in the living room while I stepped into the attached kitchen and began making each of our breakfast meals. Being as my daughter has to eat whatever it is Mommas eating, I also made her silver dollar pancakes, just without the sausage. At first glance I could see the pancakes were a bit darker than the normal, assuming this is from some sort of wheat or fiber in them that isn't in your typical batter, and the veggie sausage looked like any piece of sausage. However, while cooking in the microwave I was hit with the most awful smell! It was the turkey sausage and it absolutely turned my stomach! However, I was willing to try pretty much everything on my Jenny pre-planned menu.

Once the meal was ready I transferred it onto a regular glass plate, albeit a small one and fixed my daughter her favorite Princess plate and set the table for us. I do have to say here however that I hadn't yet been to the grocer so I didn't have any fruit or non fat milk to have with my meal. I only had the Jenny meal to eat.

My review of this meal? It taste much better than it smelled! The pancakes with the pre package bit of syrup taste just like any other blueberry pancakes I had ever had and even the syrup didn't have that fake sweet taste, it tasted just like regular out of the bottle syrup! My first bite of the turkey sausage was a bit hesistant after being hit with such a scent while cooking but I was very pleasantly surprised to learn it tasted nothing like it smelled, in fact it tasted quite good!

Overall the meal was fine, obviously the portions are something I have to try to adjust to a bit but the meal was very good. Of course having a sixteen month old daughter I did have to share a bit with her and she loved the turkey sausage!



Morning Snack
Anytime Bar - Chocolate and Peanut Butter
1 Fruit

I tossed this bar in the purse and ate it after leaving my doctors office in the morning and on the way to the grocery store so I had no fruit to eat with it. This was definitely a highlight to the meals. Not going to lie it tasted nothing like a Reeses Cup by any means - not that I had been told it would or expected it to but I don't want to peanut butter and chocolate to be misleading to anyone. It was sweet and almost tasted like a candy bar but of course not quite. It was good, small, but very good.



Lunch**
Asian Style Orange Chicken 
Garden Salad w/ Jenny Dressing

With the Asian Style Orange Chicken I fixed a large baby spinach and herb lettuce salad with sugar snap peas, carrots, tomatoes and I searched and searched for that Jenny Dressing but I seemed to have lost it! I put some Parmesan cheese on the salad, swapped out for the cottage cheese I would not be eating as my after dinner snack (or any other time in my life for that matter!) and used my fat serving to have an oil and vinegar dressing.


The salad was good, the Jenny meal was better! In fact it was amazing! Absolutely five stars. There's nothing more I can say other than that. It was superb. The orange flavor was strong, the rice and peppers rich, everything about this meal was incredible. Very, very good!
**(Okay, though I did make it to the grocery store, my daughter hadn't slept well the night before and threw quite a few tempter tantrum in the store which is incredibly unlike her. So unlike her that I grabbed a few items and got out of the store as soon as possible. My daughter is incredibly well behaved so this concerned me. I brought her home and tried to get her to lay down for a nap but by the time she fell asleep and got a bit of a nap in, it was time to take her to her doctors appointment. There we learned she is teething and weening herself off of her two naps a day so we are to expect her to be fussier than usual. She also had to get three shots at the end of this appointment. After getting these shots, the last of which we were told burned pretty badly, she was hysterical in my arms clinging to me and she began to say, "Sorry Momma Sorry!" 

This shattered me! My mother had joined us at the doctors much to her pleasure as she hadn't made it to one yet in the baby's 16 months of life. She and I looked at each other as soon as the words left my daughters mouth and I could see my surprise and heartache reflected in her eyes. We were heartbroken and shocked! We didn't know she even knew the word sorry let alone would associate it with getting hurt! Where had she learned that? More importantly what had happened to her that she was taught to associate saying sorry with getting hurt?! I was distressed by this, more so than I'm going to talk about here but the moment was heartbreaking. My mother, being a first time grandmother, decided than and there that we were going to Wal-Mart and getting her a present! 

On the way to Wal-Mart we did stop at McDonalds to get the baby an ice cream and I am proud to say that I came very close to ordering an ice cream cone. I stopped not only because I'm on this diet but because I never would have ordered an ice cream cone from McDonalds any other day I wasn't going to order now just because I couldn't have it! 

By the time we left Wal-Mart and got home it was six o'clock. So I did have my lunch, but I had it at six in the evening.)


Mid-Day Snack
2 Fruits
6 oz Nonfat Yogurt
1 Tbl Almonds

I ate this snack immedieatly after I hate my lunch at six or seven in the evening because I did plan on eating my dinner as I don't usually get into bed before 1 or 2 in the morning anyway. So I went ahead and had this snack so that I could get that last meal in. I had two servings of apple slices. I had already used my almond serving during my lunch, putting oil on my salad and I hadn't been able to buy any yogurt at the store yet. Apples alone it was.



Dinner
Salisburty Steak
+ Soupitizer Soup
Vegtables (at least 1 1/2 cuips)
1 Healthy Fat

I hate to say it but I never did get this meal in, I ended up falling asleep on the couch right after my seven o'clock lunch and just couldn't (and wouldn't) force in another meal. I failed at this one! :(



Evening Snack 
Bruschetta Veggie Chips***
(Honesy Mustard covered Pretzels)
1/2 cup Low fat Cottage Cheese  

As I mentioned earlier, I used my cottage cheese serving to have parmesean cheese on my salad with my lunch. ***I did have a bit of a munchies moment after that late lunch but wasn't in the mood for veggie chips so I did swap them out for the Honey Mustard Covered pretzels - so let me review them now instead. They were awesome! Tasted like any bag you would have bought from the store and in fact I had a hard time sharing the, even with my daughter needing to have a few. She also fed me a few which was quite cute!



And so that was Day 1!
For the sake of tagging I am going to stick to 'reviews' here and talk about the day in my next post.



 

Joining the Program

I slept with my phone in my bed. :) That's how excited I was to get a call back from Jenny this morning. As my previous post said I called after hours yesterday and left a message to the promise of a call back first thing. I didn't get a call back first thing, but I didn't give them much of a chance. My daughters father dropped my little girl off just after seven this morning (though we are together we don't live together so we alternate nights with her, each taking four nights before switching) and I waited as long as I could before calling. When I did I reached someone who was extremely nice and helped me to set up an appointment in the evening. I couldn't wait!

So once home from our morning errands, my daily doctors appointment and my daily trip to Dunkin Doughnuts, Lenna and I got in bed for a nap. She was not ready to be up yet and I was more than willing to have any excuse to just lay in bed and hold my sleeping daughter. But my mind was elsewhere. I kept waiting for that call back! And as I mentioned, I finally got tired of waiting and made the call. Once the call was made, appointment scheduled, I was able to relax a little bit and fall asleep with my daughter. Once awake we played with my grandmother and I made her lunch and waited for my mother to try to get home as early as she could. Not just for the appointment but because she hadn't seen Lenna in four nights!

My mother made it home just before our appointment and we packed a small diaper bag for Lenna and headed to the Centre. I'm lucky in that my local center is less than a five minute drive from our home. In fact if the one light on the way is green, I think it takes less than three minutes. We arrived and as soon as we walked in the door the woman behind the desk greeted us, though her eyes quickly shot to my daughter and she beamed with an obvious adoration for children. Here is where I'm taking a small breath of relief. Anyone with small children knows they can be a handful in any public situation.

I told the woman I was there to see Chris and she said that she was in fact Chris. She led me to a small room and offered to bring in a chair for my mother and even pointed her and my daughter in the direction of the fairly large area full of children toys and furniture. When she came in to start the consultation she asked if we wanted to shut the door and I told her that was up to her and depended on how annoyed she was going to be by Lenna. You see, Lenna had not gotten her full nap in, she had been interrupted by her great grandmother. So now, at quarter of six in the evening, she was over tired and now over stimulated in a new environment with twisting hallways that were just too tempting not to run in. Chris however just laughed and said she had a six year old daughter was not in the slightest bothered by Lenna. She said they had kids in the Centre all the time. This woman was not only incredibly nice, but made me feel completely at ease with having my daughter there in all her 16 month old hyper active glory. I was already very happy with my decision to be there.

Chris began the consultation by asking me why I had chosen Jenny. I told her I had been on Weight Watchers more times than I could remember as well as trying Atkins, the cabbage soup diet, South Beach, the Beyonce Diet / Lemonade Cleanse, liquid diet, Apple Cider Vinegar diet, etc., etc., etc.. I told her that in the beginning of a diet I couldn't trust myself with portion control and didn't have much interest or time for planning out meals. Chris said that it was sounding like Jenny was going to work for me. She handed me a pamphlet with pictures of the meals and snacks and what have you for me to look over while she asked me what my goals were, long term and short term.

I actually hadn't thought about this before hand but what I told her came out truthfully and easy without much thought. Its been so long since I've been anywhere near a healthy weight or size, that I had no concept of what is healthy for me. No idea whats normal for me. I didn't even have any idea what my weight was so I couldn't even tell her numbers! She asked when it was that I knew my weight last and I told her that just before I had my daughter at my last check up before being induced I had been weighed in. I don't remember that number exactly today but I do know it was somewhere just above 340. I knew that I had lost weight after having my daughter but just in the last two weeks had gained in back. Clothes I bought a month ago, weren't fitting this week. So when we walked back to get on the scale I was truly expecting to be at least in the 330s or back in or above the 340s. Now Id been told time and again even when I did for sure that weight that much that I never looked like I weighed that much. Part of that comes from being 5'8" (though if you ask anyone at my Centre I'm 5'7"!). Another part of that comes from always hiding weight well. I've never looked exactly how much I've weighed. Unfortunately I've never weighed a small enough number for that too work in my advantage.

Anyway I stepped on the scale and was shocked when it stopped at 305 point something or other. I was so shocked by the 305 that I didn't even care what the point whatever said. I would have been thrilled for it to pop up anything less than 330. Anything 330 - 340 I would have expected. Anything 340 - 350 wouldn't have shocked me but would have upset me. Anything above 350 would have hurt, crippled me, left me on the floor in tears. So needless to say (but I will again!) I was thrilled to see 305! Now when I think back to high school and remember breaking 200 and how incredibly upset I was, 305 doesn't thrill me. But when I realistically think about where I've been in my health the last few years, I'm quite happy to be starting at 305.

I must have had a funny look on my face because Chris looked concerned and I told her that number was not anywhere near what I had been expecting.

"Its better?" She asked.
"Much better."
I couldn't help smiling.

Back in our little room - which Chris said and displayed by her lack of know where was not her office - we talked short term goals first. I asked her what her recommendation was, as again, its been so long since I've been anywhere near healthy or involved in weight loss, I didn't know what was fair to ask of myself. I told her that I wanted to have a realistic goal, but also wanted to push myself. We decided on a short term goal of 25 - 30 pounds in the first twelve weeks. Then she asked about long term goals.

What was my ultimate goal?
How did I picture myself at success?
Was it a weight?
A particular dress size?

Again I had to tell her I hadn't the faintest idea. I didn't even know what was considered healthy for my height. Chris punched in a few numbers and came back with a ideal weight of 160. She warned me of course that the computers don't take into consideration bone mass and what have you and that I could very well end up perfectly content at 180. I however do remember being 180 in my teens and being it wearing quite heavy on my frame. I can foresee needing to be less than 160 but for a long term goal to be adjusted later if necessary, we settled on 160.

Next, we had to pick a program. This is where I let Chris focus more on my mother who is blessing me with the gift of Jenny. It was up to her what she wanted to pay for. We ended up deciding on the one year plan until we realized my step father had my mothers credit card. So we settled on the 12 week "gut check" Jenny Set Go program. $30 plus the cost of food and after this expires we will purchase the year program. Here now, Chris calculated my caloric intake level (to change later) and came back with 1700 calories daily explaining that this would, of course, fall as the weight did. She handed me a menu and though I didn't understand at first I did come to realize it was not a sample menu but would be the menu I would follow for the week.

Unfortunately I only scanned it and didn't realize until putting the food away at home later that there are two meals on this menu that I just cannot see myself eating. One being the tuna salad as it is prepared and the tuna salad is already mixed. Now obviously being a Jenny meal its not going to be full of mayonnaise. I HATE mayonnaise with a passion I cannot convey. I am willing to taste this food however I really don't know if I'll be able to stomach it. The other meal I will not eat, the cheese omelet. Years ago I got awful food poisoning from an omelet and haven't even been able to smell them since without getting sick. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do in place of these meals. I'm going to call the Centre tomorrow and see what my options are.

Other than those two meals everything else seems very doable, some of the meals are looking quite good actually! Chris filled up a few bags for us after handing me a few more pamphlet's and booklets. She told me that my consultant would be Shannon who was also young like me and had lost 80 pounds on the program. I'm really looking forward to meeting her next week!

I'd like to tell you that I left and went home and ate a salad in preparation for the week to come but that is NOT the case. My mother and I dropped my daughter off to my step father because she needed that nap and hit the local diner known for its cherry cokes full of cherry's and syrup and incredible chocolate cheesecake! And I am not sorry! I ordered chicken slovaki with french fries and Greek salad and mozzarella sticks for an appetizer, something I don't even do when I'm not dieting but I figured what the hell!

Now here it is one am. My daughter is asleep in her crib, my Jenny food in the freezer waiting and I am pretty excited to get started. I'm also a little nervous of course, that its going to be not enough food or too much food. The latter not the typical fear you would think I might have but the food on the menu is a lot more than I am used to eating. Its just much healthier than I'm used to eating. Chris told me a lot of people have trouble adjusting to it and that I should do my best to eat it but not force myself.

And so that is the plan.

Tomorrow Lenna and I will go to my daily doctors appointment and then hit the grocery store so I can stock up on some veggies and fruits and Crystal Light and what have you. I'm hoping its not too hot tomorrow to take a long walk or three with the baby and her heavy stroller and get some movement going. I'm planning on and looking forward to starting to do my Zumba DVDs again.

At one point I was doing my Zumba DVD, (the hour long  Zumba Fitness Concert DVD - a non stop hour of Zumba) a minimum of once a day, typically first thing in the morning and before bed. I loved my Zumba DVD and tried a few months ago to start doing it again but I couldn't even get through the first three songs. I couldn't believe I'd once been doing the entire hour long non stop routine twice a day without problem. I'm going to work up to that DVD again and try using the Biggest Loser DVDs I bought and think I previewed once but never used. My mother and I also used to belong to the local gym until she lost her credit card and never got the new number to the gym so we couldn't be charged monthly but at that point weren't going anyway. I'm hopefully going to get up there tomorrow to join.

No, not hopefully. I'm GOING to. I need to because when my daughter is at her fathers house for those four nights I literally don't know what to do with myself and have spent days sleeping without her. I cannot stand it when she's gone and I don't see her. The last few months even on the nights she spent at his house, I'd have her all day while she was at work, but he's just finished his work on that house. So now, this not seeing her all day is so new and so incredibly hard for me. I get very depressed when she's not here and if I have the option of going to the gym I can distract myself with that. That is a must on my to do list!

Another must - get some sleep! Its one a.m. and time to power down this blog, plus Lenna is now fussing for me. But let me be honest here, I'm going to sooth my daughter and then finish off that ice cream that's in the freezer! Root beer float here I come!

Goodnight
Dream Sweet!

Setting up the consultation...

Well, old habits die hard! I waited too long to make the call for the consultation and they office nearest my home is closed. Oh sweet procrastination how you tempt me! The sweet voice on the machine assured me if I left a message I would have my call returned as soon as they open the following business day. So hopefully I will hear from them first thing tomorrow - Wednesday. My mother is going with me to the consultation, as she is blessing me by paying for this, so it will have to be in the evening when she is off work anyway. I am absolutely excited and looking forward to it. I cannot wait to get started!

A little background info on Me!

Once again I find myself here.
Oh how I hate being here.

Here is 26 years old in the prime of my life... more than 100 pounds over weight. How much more? I haven't the faintest idea as like many, I avoid scales as if my life depends on it. That is just one of many things that is going to have to change. Obviously you don't get to being this much overweight without some idea that its happening. I've been over weight since my pre-teens. I definitely had a lot to do with my poor health and I am not scapegoating at all but I did also get put on a anti-depressant that made me gain more than fifty pounds. From there I became more and more depressed and needed more medication and gained more weight. During my teenage years I did Weight Watchers probably a dozen times, none successfully as I never committed. Sure I wanted to lose weight but was I ready to crack down and make the changes that losing weight demanded? Not even a little bit. There were times I starved myself, times I was bulimic, times I tried to do it the right way. I lost weight. Sometimes I lost a lot of weight but obviously I was never able to keep it off and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Unhealthy

Ironically the one time I succeeded in losing the most weight was when it was using the unhealthiest means. I'm not going to get into what I did or how I did it because I don't want to encourage others to do the same. I was shrinking and I was shrinking fast. I actually didn't even notice to be honest. Everyone else did. One day my mother came into my room and handed me a pair of jeans. Now I was used to wearing 22's and 24's. I never wore anything above a 24. Not because I didn't need to, but because I refused to. I'd stuff myself into a 24 but I would not wear a 26. Anyway a few years ago, my mother comes into my room and hands me a pair of jeans. Size 12. Now sure this is still HUGE to a lot of people but to someone who hasn't been in less than a 22 in years, this was a HUGE deal. I told her she was nuts there was no way I was going to fit into those jeans!

They slid on like a second skin!

I could not believe it. I wore and washed those jeans every day. I was even wearing little tank tops and not having to worry about that big gut and covering it with a t-shirt! I couldn't believe I'd lost so much weight without even trying! I was thrilled! I was going to keep doing exactly what it was that I was doing. I was going to get down to single digits!!! I was going to be tiny....

And then I got pregnant.

No my daughter wasn't planned, she was a surprise but she was the greatest surprise of my life! However, the pregnancy was not great. At all. I had intense morning sickness the entire pregnancy. You'd think this would cause me to lose weight right? Nope. I could only eat few foods and those few foods were all very unhealthy. During my pregnancy I gained OVER 100 pounds! Everything I'd lost I gained and then some. But for the way I lost it - I deserved to gain it all back.

You can't tell just how big I am here, but its well into the 300's.

Being pregnant, I didn't realize I was gaining so much. My daughters father would tell me now and again as gently as he could that I was getting big, but I didn't catch on. I mean I was pregnant I was supposed to get big! I didn't realize how big I was getting for some time. It wasn't until just before my daughter was born and I caught a glimpse of myself reflected in the windows of the hospital as I walked into a check up. I stopped dead in my tracks and my jaw dropped. I was huge! I mean yes I got weighed in at every checkup but I didn't pay attention to those numbers - I was pregnant!

Pregnant or not pregnant - there was no excuse for me being far over 300 pounds.
No excuse.

I swore up and down that once I gave birth to my daughter I was going to get the weight off. Unfortunately when my baby was born she wouldn't eat. Just wouldn't eat. I didn't understand it, everyone knows how to eat right?*** Not my baby girl. Long sad story short, she stayed in the NICU and then a specialty pediatric hospital for two months before we were able to bring her home. Even when we brought her home she was on a NG feeding tube. During the time she was in the hospital I never left. I spent every night by her side. Needless to say, my first concern was no longer my weight.

However once she came home, I still didn't focus on myself. I kept promising myself I'd start my diet next week, after the weekend, next month... you know the drill. It just never happened.

Now - its happening.

My daughter is the most important thing in my life. I want to be able to show her how to be healthy and I want to be active with her. I don't want to have to sit on the side lines watching her life go by and I don't want her to be ashamed of her mother. I've never been so committed to getting this done ever before in my life.

Why Jenny Craig?

Well, I've tried Weight Watchers and they have a wonderful and amazing program it wasn't for me. At this point in my life I don't trust myself to portion out food. So its much better for me to be on a program where the food is laid out in front of me and I just eat it and work out! My consultation will be either tomorrow night, Wednesday, or Thursday night.

There have been many times I've tried to lose weight and wished that I had kept a journal of it from the beginning. So this time, I'm going to do just that. For me, and for my beautiful baby girl.

***A quote from a journal every mother needs to read!