A little background info on Me!

Once again I find myself here.
Oh how I hate being here.

Here is 26 years old in the prime of my life... more than 100 pounds over weight. How much more? I haven't the faintest idea as like many, I avoid scales as if my life depends on it. That is just one of many things that is going to have to change. Obviously you don't get to being this much overweight without some idea that its happening. I've been over weight since my pre-teens. I definitely had a lot to do with my poor health and I am not scapegoating at all but I did also get put on a anti-depressant that made me gain more than fifty pounds. From there I became more and more depressed and needed more medication and gained more weight. During my teenage years I did Weight Watchers probably a dozen times, none successfully as I never committed. Sure I wanted to lose weight but was I ready to crack down and make the changes that losing weight demanded? Not even a little bit. There were times I starved myself, times I was bulimic, times I tried to do it the right way. I lost weight. Sometimes I lost a lot of weight but obviously I was never able to keep it off and maintain a healthy lifestyle.

Unhealthy

Ironically the one time I succeeded in losing the most weight was when it was using the unhealthiest means. I'm not going to get into what I did or how I did it because I don't want to encourage others to do the same. I was shrinking and I was shrinking fast. I actually didn't even notice to be honest. Everyone else did. One day my mother came into my room and handed me a pair of jeans. Now I was used to wearing 22's and 24's. I never wore anything above a 24. Not because I didn't need to, but because I refused to. I'd stuff myself into a 24 but I would not wear a 26. Anyway a few years ago, my mother comes into my room and hands me a pair of jeans. Size 12. Now sure this is still HUGE to a lot of people but to someone who hasn't been in less than a 22 in years, this was a HUGE deal. I told her she was nuts there was no way I was going to fit into those jeans!

They slid on like a second skin!

I could not believe it. I wore and washed those jeans every day. I was even wearing little tank tops and not having to worry about that big gut and covering it with a t-shirt! I couldn't believe I'd lost so much weight without even trying! I was thrilled! I was going to keep doing exactly what it was that I was doing. I was going to get down to single digits!!! I was going to be tiny....

And then I got pregnant.

No my daughter wasn't planned, she was a surprise but she was the greatest surprise of my life! However, the pregnancy was not great. At all. I had intense morning sickness the entire pregnancy. You'd think this would cause me to lose weight right? Nope. I could only eat few foods and those few foods were all very unhealthy. During my pregnancy I gained OVER 100 pounds! Everything I'd lost I gained and then some. But for the way I lost it - I deserved to gain it all back.

You can't tell just how big I am here, but its well into the 300's.

Being pregnant, I didn't realize I was gaining so much. My daughters father would tell me now and again as gently as he could that I was getting big, but I didn't catch on. I mean I was pregnant I was supposed to get big! I didn't realize how big I was getting for some time. It wasn't until just before my daughter was born and I caught a glimpse of myself reflected in the windows of the hospital as I walked into a check up. I stopped dead in my tracks and my jaw dropped. I was huge! I mean yes I got weighed in at every checkup but I didn't pay attention to those numbers - I was pregnant!

Pregnant or not pregnant - there was no excuse for me being far over 300 pounds.
No excuse.

I swore up and down that once I gave birth to my daughter I was going to get the weight off. Unfortunately when my baby was born she wouldn't eat. Just wouldn't eat. I didn't understand it, everyone knows how to eat right?*** Not my baby girl. Long sad story short, she stayed in the NICU and then a specialty pediatric hospital for two months before we were able to bring her home. Even when we brought her home she was on a NG feeding tube. During the time she was in the hospital I never left. I spent every night by her side. Needless to say, my first concern was no longer my weight.

However once she came home, I still didn't focus on myself. I kept promising myself I'd start my diet next week, after the weekend, next month... you know the drill. It just never happened.

Now - its happening.

My daughter is the most important thing in my life. I want to be able to show her how to be healthy and I want to be active with her. I don't want to have to sit on the side lines watching her life go by and I don't want her to be ashamed of her mother. I've never been so committed to getting this done ever before in my life.

Why Jenny Craig?

Well, I've tried Weight Watchers and they have a wonderful and amazing program it wasn't for me. At this point in my life I don't trust myself to portion out food. So its much better for me to be on a program where the food is laid out in front of me and I just eat it and work out! My consultation will be either tomorrow night, Wednesday, or Thursday night.

There have been many times I've tried to lose weight and wished that I had kept a journal of it from the beginning. So this time, I'm going to do just that. For me, and for my beautiful baby girl.

***A quote from a journal every mother needs to read!